[Verse 1] There's a tramp sitting on my doorstep Trying to waste his time With his mentholated sandwich He's a walking clothesline And here comes the bishop's daughter On the other side And she looks a trifle jealous She's been an outcast all her life [Chorus] Me, I'm waiting so patiently Lying on the floor I'm just trying to do my jig-saw puzzle Before it rains anymore [Verse 2] Oh, the gangster looks so frightening With his luger in his hand But when he gets home to his children He's a family man But when it comes to the nitty-gritty He can shove in his knife Yes, he really looks quite religious He's been an outlaw all his life [Chorus] Me, I'm waiting so patiently Lying on the floor I'm just trying to do this jig-saw puzzle Before it rains anymore [Instrumental Break] Yes, yes now Oh, all right [Chorus] Me, I'm waiting so patiently Lying on the floor I'm just trying to do this jig-saw puzzle Before it rains anymore [Verse 3] Oh, the singer, he looks angry At being thrown to the lions And the bass player, he looks nervous About the girls outside And the drummer, he's so shattered Trying to keep on time And the guitar players look damaged They've been outcasts all their lives [Chorus] Me, I'm waiting so patiently Lying on the floor I'm just trying to do this jig-saw puzzle Before it rains anymore [Verse 4] Oh, there's twenty-thousand grandmas Wave their hankies in the air And burning up their pensions And shouting, "It's not fair!" There's a regiment of soldiers Standing, looking on And the queen is bravely shouting "What the hell is going on?" With a blood-curdling "Tally-ho" She charged into the ranks And blessed all those grandmas who With their dying breaths screamed, "Thanks!" [Chorus] Me, I'm just waiting so patiently With my woman on the floor We're just trying to do this jig-saw puzzle Before it rains anymore All right, hey, hey, hey, all right, all right