[Chorus] Oh help me, please doctor, I'm damaged There's a pain where there once was a heart It's sleeping, it's a-beating Can't you please tear it out, and preserve it Right there in that jar? [Verse 1] Oh help me, please mama, I'm sickening It's today that's the day of the plunge Oh, the gal I'm to marry Is a bow-legged sow I've been soaking up drink like a sponge "Don't you worry, get dressed," cried my mother As she plied me with bourbon so sour "Pull your socks up, put your suit on Comb your long hair down For you will be wed in the hour" [Chorus] So help me, please doctor, I'm damaged There's a pain where there once was a heart I'm sleeping, it's beating Can't you please tear it out, and preserve it Right there in that jar? Yep Oh help me, please doctor, I'm damaged There's a pain where there once was a heart It's sleeping, it's a beating Can't you please tear it out, and preserve it Right there in that jar? [Verse 2] I was trembling, as I put on my jacket It had creases as sharp as a knife I put the ring in my pocket But there was a note And my heart it jumped into my mouth It read, "Darling, I'm sorry to hurt you But I've no courage to speak to your face But I'm down in Virginia with your cousin Lou There'll be no wedding today" [Chorus] So help me, please doctor, I'm damaged You can put back my heart in its hole Oh mama, I'm crying Tears of relief And my pulse is now under control Yeah