It's a beautiful day for the race Stu Chan is the favorite today Assault is in there Dog Bisquit is three to one Safety pin has been scratched And at twenty to one, Beetlebaum Now the horses are approaching the starting gate And, eh, there they go And it's Stu Chan going to the front Cabbage is second on the rail Beautiful Linda is third by a length And Beetlebaum, around the first turn Stu Chan is still in front Cabbage is second by a head (Cabbage by a head) Beautiful Linda is third And Beetlebaum into the back stretch Dog Bisquit is now leading the pack Lady Avalon is second, very close Banana is coming up through the bunch (Banana coming up through the bunch) And Beetlebaum At the half Stu Chan still out in the front Apartment House is second with plenty of room Assault is passing battery (Assault and battery) Notary's Old Jack is fourth And in last place by ten lengths I believe it is, yes It is Beetlebaum around the turn heading for home It's Stu Chan and Dog Bisquit and Girdle in the stretch Flying Sylvester is third and Mother-In-Law nagging in the rear (Oh, oh, oh) And now they come down to the wire And it's number one and now number two And it's very close It'll either be a photo finish or an oil painting And now Louis speaks with the left And Louis is in there Slugging and it's a battle And now they are tearing hair There's hair all over the ring There's hair all over the place I don't know whose hair it is It's mine and there goes the winner... Beetlebaum